The term ‘f*ckboys’ has become commonplace in millennial vernacular over recent years.
I sort of wish I could come up with a more suitable term – one which I didn’t feel I had to censor when talking to my parents.
But the noughties favourite ‘bad boy’ just doesn’t seem to cut it anymore.
It fails to convey the true extent of manipulative nonsense f*ckboys will put you through. ‘Bad boys’ were guys like Jay from 5ive with his swagger and *gasp* eyebrow piercing.
You knew he was a ‘bad boy’ because it was such a transparent identity that guys used to portray. Whether or not they snuggled up to their favourite childhood toy at night didn’t matter.
They wore Adidas, smoked roll ups, and got into ‘scuffles’. It was an aspirational identity, and it was blatant.
What about lad? No, a lad is too busy on his PS4 to worry about Snapchatting other girls.
F*ckboys however, well those, my friend, are a different kettle of fish altogether. It’s on a spectrum from try hard guys who text you the ‘u up’ text at 2am and the ones you *thought* were decent, but actually very much aren’t. The latter is peak f*ckboy.
If by this point you’re thinking ‘goodness, I’ve never encountered one of these before’ you will fall into two distinct categories. The first, meaning that in your life, you have only been exposed to decent humans.
The second, meaning you have been exposed to f*ckboys but they have been so peak f*ckboy that they slipped through the net. If you think you’re in the second category then I’m sorry but you may want to have a quick scroll through your boyfriend’s phone. You’ll thank me later.
Either way, f*ckboys exist and they are trouble. The biggest issue with them? That you are likely to fall head over heels in love with them. Why? Because they are sneaky, and most importantly HOT.
I’ve had countless conversations with female friends who have fallen for a f*ckboy’s charm. It’s certainly not uncommon.
In fact, in today’s ridiculous world I would go as far as to say, it’s pretty regular. And frustratingly, these characters are getting less easy to spot. We don’t have eyebrow piercings to guide us anymore.
Don’t get me wrong, I think there are many many men out there that don’t fit this description. But lads, this 10% is ruining it for the rest of you.
I have a deeply romanticised view of dating and love. I want butterflies, to feel appreciated and – like anyone – want to feel attractive.
Trouble is, these are exactly the things f*ckboys ace at. They’ll make you feel like you’re the most important person in the world, all the while sexting another girl while you’ve nipped to the loo.
It’s very easy to get stuck in a cycle of only being attracted to f*ckboys. They are charming, make you feel wanted and are usually very charismatic.
Frustrated by this, plus looking out for my fellow single females, I decided to consult two psychologists. I wanted to shed some light on why certain women are consistently drawn to these douchebags.
‘Let’s just define the bad boys,’ Dr Helen Nightingale tells metro.co.uk. ‘They are aggressive, more flirty and go out for what they want.
‘They are strong and look after themselves. So they are more handsome, more virile and more self confident. This draws women in.’
Nightingale says this is akin to what we see in the animal kingdom, ‘comparative psychology will look at this as a mating dance or display. The most successful male is the one who is loudest/ proudest and most showing off will get the girl.’
‘Girls need to remember that the loudest and most noticeable and attractive male may also be the one who cares less,’ Nightingale warns.
‘He’s less likely to be socially responsive, and cares less about convention and rules.
‘His personality maybe more sociopathic and more aggressive, thus more likely to be repeatedly unfaithful.’
‘There could be multiple reasons why certain women are drawn to men who exhibit these behaviours.’ Dr Rachel Andrew suggests.
‘Some women will have seen this type of relationship between their parents and can be drawn to subconsciously replicate it.
‘For others, a lack of self-esteem or self-worth can draw them to relationships that then reinforce the negative perceptions they have of themselves.’
Interestingly, Dr Andrew adds that for some women it may be a more conscious decision: ‘For other women, these relationships do not have a negative impact, this is what fits for them at a certain period of their life.
‘They may actively seek out a more casual, emotionally distant relationship if this is all that they want at a given time.
‘For some women, they will think they can change a ‘bad boy’, that he has been misunderstood, or that their relationship will be different.’
Can I get an *amen*?
So there you have it. Anyone else fancy joining a nunnery?