American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
Crazy Americans and their candy (Picture: Getty/Metro)

America is scary and confusing, but we can all agree on one thing: They sure do know how to make candy. And pizza. And fried food. Basically any substance overwhelmingly bad for you. But let’s just focus on candy today.

With Halloween fast approaching, everyone’s stocking up on their trick or treat stash (with extra in case there’s an influx of kids this year AKA enough left over for yourself).

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But did you ever wonder how much the candy stash varies across the pond? It doesn’t matter if you never did, but you definitely are now, and we have the answers.

Let’s take a look at the candy that’ll be filling cauldrons in America in an unofficial ranking style based on my opinion because mine’s the only one that matters:

1. BabyRuth

American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
The candy bar was named after company president’s daughter, Ruth Cleveland (Picture: Getty)

There may be four grams of protein in this, but you can bet on a very, very generous helping of sugar with that as well — 32 grams per bar. That’s your daily recommendation right there.

2. Jawbreaker

American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
Embrace the aggressive brand name (Picture: Getty)

These can’t actually break your jaw, unless you throw a whole bunch of them at someone’s face I guess. But that comes with guaranteed jail time and you’re not about that.

3. Candy corn

American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
All of these in my mouth please (Picture: Getty)

Don’t question the make-up of Candy corn. Ever. They’re like crack. Just go ham on them and check into rehab after the holidays.

4. Reese’s

American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
Yaaas to Reese’s (Picture: Getty)

For those who’ve never tried a Reese’s peanut butter cup I say two things to you: 1) How? 2) Don’t ever try one — you’ll be checking into that rehab clinic if you’re not already in there for the candy corn.

5. NutterButter

American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
Lol, that name (Picture: Getty)

Kinda like a budget Reese’s, but still worth a bite or seven.

6. Butterfinger

American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
Buy buy buy! (Picture: Getty)

Those two things you’ve always wanted together are now together.

7. Tootsie Roll

American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
Praise be Tootsie and their rolls (Picture: Getty)

Believe the hype; it’s what’s on the inside that counts. There’s a glorious taffy-like substance that — if smokable — I’d smoke as well as eat.

8. Sour Patch Kids

American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
They have little peepers and everything (Picture: Getty)

Do you ever think it’s weird that we tiny human-shaped foods and never question the cannibalistic undertones? Me neither. These guys are basically sour Jelly Babies.

Now let’s take a gander at what those crazy Brits are stocking up on this year:

1. Chocolate Buttons

American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
Yes (Picture: Getty)

Chocolate Buttons: Not only a trick or treat go-to, but the annual stocking filler. There’s not a soul alive who doesn’t enjoy putting these things over their eyes to mimic chocolate peepers. Fun all year round.

Also, let’s just settle this argument once and for all: Cadbury’s chocolate taste so much better than Hershey’s.

2. Flake

American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
Who doesn’t love a chocolate straw? (Picture: Getty)

It’s also appropriate — NAY, necessary — to buy this for that one friend who always bails last minute. You know the one.

3. Black Jack

American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
Remember these bad boys? (Picture: Getty)

These aren’t on the list out of love. Truth is they actually taste disgusting. But you look me in the eye and tell me these don’t remind you of the holidays with your parents. Can’t put a price on those memories, man.

4. Wine Gums

American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
So soft, so squidgy (Picture: Getty)

Only because at one stage in your childhood you definitely thought these contained real wine and pretended to be hammered on a bag.

5. Liquarice Allsorts

American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
Maynards Bassetts for the win (Picture: Getty)

Sambuca in food form. It’s a love or hate thing. But every Brit loves to hate them.

6. Jelly Babies

American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
That baby’s crying tho (Picture: Getty)

Again with the tiny humans? Seriously, people, it’s just weird. Look, one’s even crying on the packet!

Despite this, their squidgy and fruity insides make them one of the best sweets in the world.

7. Malteasers

American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
Get these balls in my face right now (Picture: Getty)

Did you know you can make these float by lying down, placing them on your lips and blowing slightly? You can also eat them. They taste fine.

8. Sherbet Fountain

American and British Halloween candy ranked from best to worst
Does not include actual fountain (Picture: Getty)

Cocaine for kids.