Let’s get real here for a second: London definitely has its high points – you can get everything you want and more.
And whenever I hear people complain about the city, I get defensive; like they called my baby ugly to my face.
But, if we’re all honest, we’ve got to admit that the city has its downside too.
London can be a proper Debbie Downer, and when you do move away these are the things you realise you really don’t miss.
Get a cuppa, folks – I’m about to lay it down.
The rent in this city is too damn high
Would you like to rent a Harry Potter-style under stair cupboard for the bargain price of £900 a month, utilities not included? In London you can.
After slaving for hours at your job, 60% of your earnings will go towards keeping the roof over your head; in the shared house you live in with five other people, all in ultra-convenient zone 4.
Living in the capital is great.
The bill is how much?
You’ve lived in the city for five years and you still don’t understand how, every time you go out for dinner, you manage to spend £60 on four tiny, shared plates, a glass of ‘pee-no gree-ghee-oh’ and a bottle of sparkling water you didn’t even order.
Have you ever tried walking down Oxford Street on a Saturday?
I’m pretty sure that’s what hell would be: fighting through hordes of teenage girls swarming into Top Shop, and dodging tourists who keep stopping suddenly in the middle of the pavement, all while trying to figure out how to cross that weird bit of road with the five crosswalks.
The daily commute
Chances are, you’re on the early-morning-late-evening commute to and from work.
Nothing is worse than winter time commute when you leave the house before light, and return in darkness.
Other than summer time commute, when all your fellow commuters either look like they’re about to throw up, pass out or have been swimming fully dressed.
No, you know what: commuting is just the worst, no matter the time of year.
The dreaded night bus
Black cabs are for the rich, darling, and you are the ruler of the night bus.
Someone will try to engage in nonsensical conversation with you, somebody else will definitely be eating a Big Mac and fries, and, if you’re really lucky, you’ll end up with vomit somewhere in your general vicinity.
But, even after all that, it’s still your London.
Sure, you may not be able to afford a house, well, ever, but it’s your city. And complaining about it makes you still a Londoner at heart, even when you live 10,000 miles away.
Ah, London – even at your worst you’re still the best, and don’t even try to tell me any differently.